shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
Randomize