Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
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