i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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