After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
Randomize
