Just fell off a train. Bad.
I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Randomize
