I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
Randomize
