lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Randomize
