Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Randomize
