OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
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