EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
