we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
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