i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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