dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
Drake has all the answers
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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