Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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