Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Randomize
