That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
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