my vag is so smooth its legendary
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
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