She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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