at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize