guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
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