so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
