She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
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