Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Randomize
