Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
It's shark week go big or go home
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Randomize
