if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
