I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
