He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
you made out with another girl for some wings
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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