i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
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