She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
