Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
