um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Randomize
