My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
