i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
