im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
