I smell stomach acid.
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
Brb crying the tears of my youth
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Randomize
