I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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