...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
