It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Randomize
