just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Randomize
