Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
I think people are normalizing furries
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