Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
