If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Randomize