You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
