the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
Randomize
