Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
