Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
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