Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Randomize
