New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
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