well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
