If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Randomize
