i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
