Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
