I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
