then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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