my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize
