All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
MIDGETS
????
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
