Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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