Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize