I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
