I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Randomize
