he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
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