thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
