found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
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