she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
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