my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
Randomize
