She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
