It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
